In this part I am doing self forgiveness regards to the inner experience I had within a recent experience recently where an ex girlfriend had contacted me.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have been hurt by another in past relationships because I felt like my ex was dishonest with me and used me – and to blame my ex for this, not realizing that I am equally responsible for having lived this exact same point
I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that it is useless to focus on the immorality of another persons behavior as I can only direct myself and wanting another person to be moral is just a way for me to not take responsibility for myself and lead by example
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have judged another/others such as my ex for being fake, not realizing that I am one and equal to this as a projection of myself as an equal participation in creating fake relationships that are based in self interest and covered up with the picture/idea of love
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to be with an ex, or a woman like my ex, or any woman for the same reasons/starting point that I was with my ex and not allowing myself to learn from my experiences to ensure that my starting point in sharing myself with another is real as what is best for all
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that a girlfriend or ideal female partner will bring me some kind of wonderful life experience such as for instance security and the feeling that I am being taken care of, or that I have something of great value/status as a woman who is beautiful and adores me/gives everything to me – not seeing this for what it is as a compensation for self where I have not been intimate with myself and supported/given everything to myself
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to control my life and the life of others in the pursuit of an idea of an ‘ideal partner’ that I have created and to protest and go into tantrums and rebellion when I have then lost this point or fear losing it or perceived the threat of losing it
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire others such as ex girlfriends who I believe have ‘done me wrong’ to ‘explain themselves’ – not realizing that this is shifting attention and focus away from myself as the only place where I can actually take responsibility and affect any kind of real change as changing myself and leading by example – creating a better self and thus a better world through self directive principle
To be continued in part 4.