Here I am writing self forgiveness statements on the point I wrote about in part 1 of how I had defined myself in relation to bureaucracy which creates an experiences of having resistance towards bureaucratic activities.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have defined doing tasks of a legal/bureaucratic nature, such as for instance doing paper work, as a ‘headache’/’pain in the ass’/inconvenience/boring – due to past experiences where I had struggled in these activities due to my lack of understanding or inability to deal with these kinds of things, such as instances where I felt confused/like I didn’t know what to do/like it was so hard
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse/justification of ‘they are the ones at fault’ or ‘this is unjust’ as a way of saying that I shouldn’t have to participate in the necessary bureaucratic steps/processes to support myself and limiting myself from doing so – not taking into consideration that it is not about what is valid or not in the eyes of life but rather within the system rules and thus to deal with system attacks or limitations, I must play by system rules
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that the outlook is ‘hopeless’ and like there is ‘no point’ of applying myself within bureaucratic processes to validate my laziness/inaction due to past experiences where it was a struggle or I did not know what I was doing or where I was unsuccessful in my bureaucratic endeavors and I judged/believed it to be impossible/beyond me – not realizing that like anything in life, it is best to simply support me in all possible ways unconditionally without it being dependent on a desired outcome to determine whether or not I even try
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use ignorance of the rules/how the system functions as an excuse/justification for not learning and applying myself within the world systems and bureaucratic processes as I am perfectly capable of learning how it functions/what is necessary to be done
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to engage in bureaucratic work only because I am forced to or due to an energetic motivation to do so, not realizing that this is not self movement or sustainable as a self expression
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have defined doing paperwork/bureaucratic work as ‘boring/tedious’ simply because it does not bring me excitement as an energetic experience as immediate results – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define that which is beneficial and supportive as something ‘exciting’ that brings an immediate energetic experience, not realizing that this is a false association that I have created with positive energetic experiences and self support
I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to become educated/adept in the ways of the world, believing that I can somehow escape the ways of the world which require me to function within a bureaucratic and legal system – and I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to realize that doing this actually supports me and improves my quality of life
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take systematic experiences such as bureaucracy or legal processes personally – not realizing that it is just a system – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from this system as inferior to it, living within the fear of not understanding it and believing I am incapable of functioning within it, and within this fearing this system as superior as a fear of authority which I have no power within because I have separated myself as inferior to it by not standing equal to it by educating myself to understand it and become effective/functional within it
I will continue with self corrective statements on this point in part 3.