Day 130: Music in my head


Today in a discussion with peers the subject came of up having music stuck in your head. I have had this as a constant experience for as long as I have listened to music. I’ve more recently started to wonder – why? Because I noticed that I have no idea why some music gets stuck in my head and I just get the urge to go over it in my or usually to sing or hum it. All I do know is that it sounds ‘good’ to me, so it is like I want to keep reliving this good experience of what the music sounded like, recreating and reproducing the nice feelings that this music originally created with me when I first experienced/noticed it.

What I notice about this is that it is like a form of thinking, but one that I can easily externalize – maybe an acceptable form of schizophrenia? lol. I will tend to latch on to specific lyrics that have a significant meaning to me – sometimes the meaning is more obvious to me than other times, but I will pick out specific lyrics for a reason. The particular lyrics will ‘speak to me’ meaning it will appeal to me as it is significant as pertaining to a specific point that I am experiencing or facing in my life – it ‘resonates with me’ for a reason. I noticed that sometimes if I am not clear on what the exact lyrics are, I will even ‘fill in the blanks’ with my own words that sound similar phonetically, and even these words that I’m using are specific in why I would choose them – they have a specific meaning to me again maybe coming from a more subconscious part of the mind and so I may not necessarily even be fully aware of why I picked such words – but it is by no means an ‘accident’.

This happens with particular sounds as well, that represent a certain quality or characteristic to me, as how I have defined it. This is usually the least obvious as it may take the act of actually sitting down and looking at how the sound makes me feel or what it makes me think of, how I describe or characterize it, to see how I have defined/characterized the sound, and thus why it appeals to me and makes me feel the way I do.

So this is all rather interesting as it turns out that I can really learn something about myself through music, through looking at why the music appeals to me as it does, why certain things get stuck in my head and why I am compelled to re-live these feeling/emotional experiences as the sound of the music. The way that sound can trigger points/constructs in the mind is a point that I really have not looked at as I have with pictures, for example  it has been more obvious to me how pictures can trigger certain ideas and how I have given certain definitions/characterizations to pictures than to sounds.

And the same way that I can become addicted to experiencing certain picture/visual experiences, I can become addicted to certain sound/oral experiences. It can easily become a form of suppression if I simply keep participating in these habits of re-living/re-experiencing these visual/oral experiences, rather than actually stopping, noticing and going “hey, why does this make me feel the way it does? How have I defined this and myself in a way that this appeals to me as it does and I am compelled by/drawn to it?”

So:

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not stop and investigate how I have defined certain sounds as music and how I experience myself within the act of listening to certain sounds/music and thus why I am compelled/attracted to listening to certain sounds/music, as a form of addiction and self suppression

I commit myself to use music as a tool to reflect myself back to myself, and begin to question: how have I defined this music/sound and how do I experience myself within the act of listening to it? So that I may learn more about myself and how I exist and how I have defined myself

Some blogs on this topic will be forthcoming as I will begin to reflect on specific music and how I experience myself in relation to certain music that I listen to as it sticks with me, so I can see how it got stuck in my head and what exactly is the point/construct that it is ‘sticking to’- to show me something about myself and get to know myself better.

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