Day 145: Who can I trust? Part 1
Today I had an experience from a person where I did not like something about what they said. I did not like it due to it being indicative of a broader part of ‘who they are’, that revealed some points that were really not cool. I was a bit taken back because I had been building ‘trust’ in this person, in hopes of being able to have a future with this person. In contrast to this trust and these hopes, there was a very contrary feeling, like “I’m not so sure about this person, if I can trust them at all! Maybe I should distance myself/not get involved/don’t go there” – basically going to the other extreme of the positive outlook I was projecting. It is fascinating how the positive can turn so quickly to the negative.
I have had this tendency to distance myself from others due to this point of mistrust or simply not liking them and therefore not wanting contact/association. The problem is that if I did this with every being on earth, I wouldn’t associate with anyone, because no one is perfect, and this is not to mention the hypocrisy of it because neither am I.
So the point here is obviously not to get carried away with ideas/projections that make reality such a ‘let down’ that have me go into such extreme polarities. While sometimes it is necessary to stop association/contact, this should only be due to an abusive situation where change/correction is not possible. And while no one is perfect, I cannot control others, but what I am able to do is change myself and lead by example – to stop that which I see in others, within myself.
This tendency to not want to work with others/face my reality is based within the desire for others to simply be perfect, instantly, automatically, for me. This is where these hopes/ideas/projections of the future also come in, because I am fitting others into this vision/fantasy of what I want them to be, for me, which only serves me. I obviously must let these ideas go and allow this being to live who they are naturally and embrace them as myself – with all their faults and mistakes and everything – so that I may allow myself to see them/face them as myself. This is the only way that I could ever have real hope for change, is to allow myself to embrace others this way, and lead by example/change myself within what it is that I am facing/living.
Self forgiveness will continue in part 2 of this blog – I am exhausted.