One of the most amazing things Bernard was able to do while on this earth was to show us what is possible beyond the reality that we have created and are currently living in. After all, this is the reason why we are gifted with a mind – it is a tool through which we can consider that which is beyond our current situation, our current circumstances, our current point in time, our current state of being and reality.
With regard to my personal process, I have come to see and realize how this ability can be utilized to assist me with the point of letting go of the desire for love, the perfect partner, the living-happily-ever-after fantasy. I’ve begun to see, through the layers of desire, as for instance desires for sex or companionship, that there is an underlying premise within my minds design that I am to eventually find the one and get married, and that this is just the way it is. As far as I was initially aware of, there were just strong desires for sex and an energetic experience through companionship with another, and while I have been questioning and investigating these points, there was still this underlying point of “but I will still find the ‘right one’ and we will have a relationship” and so rather than facing and correcting this underlying point, I would simply try to change the points of desire for sex and companionship but still ‘fit in’ these changed points into the underlying desire for a life partner/relationship, of having that ‘special someone’ in my life.
Now, going back to using the mind as a tool to imagine and consider what is beyond the current reality: it seems like a great undertaking to let go of the desire for a partner in it’s entirety, but what I am able to do is take the principle of oneness and equality of all life on earth to it’s fullest application to imagine what relationships would be like in a world where all life lived as one as equal, and the fact is that in this world, relationships as ‘having that special someone in your life’, simply wouldn’t exist! Families wouldn’t exist, countries wouldn’t exist, all forms of relationships where some are more special and others are less special would cease to exist as all life would live equal and thus live together and love each other as equals.
This is the point that I had not realize I was missing in not facing the prospect of giving up this point in it’s entirety as the desire for a life partner/relationship – that by trying and attempting to make someone special in my world, I was compromising that which could be as my relationships/interaction to all other beings in life. By spending time giving more attention to this one person in my life who I believe is special and ‘what we have together’ as our relationship, I am neglecting all other life and thus my responsibility towards all other life as living equal to it.
I have tried to hold on to this underlying desire and simply alter and mutate it so that I could ‘fit it into my process/ideal of what is best for all life’ – or rather, I have tried to ‘fit my process/ideal of what is best for all life’ into this underlying desire, giving it precedence over my self-responsibility towards life and this process I am in. I have tried to validate this desire by still looking for ‘the right one’, but simply altering this definition of ‘the right one’ to a person that would apparently be conducive to my process. I have not fully embraced process first, unconditionally, and to do that, the desire for ‘everything to work out the way I have it planned’ has to be let go of completely. As Bernard said it is important to risk everything with no guarantee to be able to fully stand up for life, and so it is necessary to let go of this ideal that I will and should eventually find ‘the right one’ and be in a relationship.
It seems like a lot as currently this is the norm and standard in our society, just as it was the norm and standard in my mind which had copied this ideal from society. But what am I really giving up? I am giving up the desire to be special and have a special experience of myself through others, to compensate for where I have not fully embraced life as myself. I am giving up the belief that some are worth more than others (for looks or personality or whatever reason/justification) and therefore require more love/attention than others. I am giving up the lack of attention I am giving to those who require it, and embracing the opportunity to fully embrace everyone as myself, as equal and one – whether I like them or not, whether they are my friend or not, whether they are living with me or not, whether they are in my country or not, whether they agree with me or not – despite all conditions that may allow me to justify why I can not fully embrace other/life as myself.
I have never really imagined life without this relationship or the pursuit of this relationship. But now that I look at it, I can see that this is the freedom that I have not yet allowed myself to give to myself – the freedom from preoccupation of desires through which I have missed life so badly.
Having love can never compare to living life because within love we lose sight of life as our idea of love is based in the principle that one/some are more special than others, and within this we disregard life extensively, what could be of life, and who we could be if we were to actually embrace all life as one and equal to ourselves, by letting go of all illusions that control and enslave us into a lesser expression of ourselves. And this kind of individualization that is through making value judgments of some being more special than others is really the ultimate statement of being a lesser expression of ourselves, because: why else would we be looking for something ‘better’ or ‘more special’ or ‘a higher experience of ourselves’? It can only be possible if we accept ourselves as ‘less than’/not equal to life, and this is something that we have done from very early on in our existence.
It is this point of self interest, of wanting and desiring something more special that has kept me from giving of myself fully to life, because; apparently there is something special/more important that can be attended to/experienced and as long as this exists within the back of my mind, my experience of life is less, it is a struggle, it is something that I don’t fully want to do or embrace because apparently it is less due to there being something better.
I now understand why, about 6 months ago, I had a massive reaction to someone who had been judging me for not having a relationship, as if it were abnormal in a negative sense – because while I had not committed to a relationship as this ideal/norm that we have, I had not fully given up my desire for it, which everyone else has. And I am only ready to face the judgment of those who react to my non-compliance of this ideal/norm if I have fully given it up myself in clarity and absolute self honesty.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to approach having relationships/interactions with a starting point of survival where I am looking to place people into positive and negative categories of friends and enemies as I see as being conducive to my survival – thus I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to approach interactions with women from the starting point of ‘looking for the one’ and whether or not this person would be ‘the right one’ as a candidate for someone to have a relationship with as a preoccupation
I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize how money, relationships and survival have become the basic preprogramming of my life that were designed to keep me enslaved through preoccupation of believing that ‘this is what matters and should get my attention’ as my starting point to living life
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to try and alter/mutate my desire to have a special someone/relationship by creating a definition of ‘the one’ that is apparently conducive to my process, using this as a justification as to why I can continue with this search for the one and preoccupation with women and relationships
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that having a relationship/special someone is normal, natural and what everyone should be doing – not realizing that within this acceptance and allowance, I am creating separation as the norm of life where life is no longer one and equal
I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to create a world where all life is equal and none are more special than others, through my living example as giving up the desire to be special and have some as more special than others
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to miss life/not fully embrace life as myself by allowing the belief that some are more special than this belief and allowing myself to pursue the desire to have a ‘higher experience’ through this belief
I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that all aspects of my life, from everyday interactions with people to work to school – has become a struggle because I have accepted some people/experiences as being better than others and thus as long as this acceptance/allowance continues, I am not fully allowing myself to embrace life and life will be a struggle because apparently living life is ‘less than’/worse than these other experiences I have defined as special and ‘more than’
I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize how my desire for a relationship has held me back from being successful in school, work and life
I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to fully embrace that to live as I would like to as a life that is best for all where I honor all life as myself in everyway: I am require to give up the desire for a relationship
I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that by fully giving up the desire for a relationship, the search for a relationship and the ideal/norm that I must have a relationship to complete my life, I am freeing myself to embrace and fully live life as one and equal to it.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give up the search for a relationship and partner – no matter how I have justified it as ‘the right thing to do’
I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my desire to have a partner as a relationship actually keeps me from fully loving my partner as myself as the starting point is to have a partner – not to assist and support others as myself in equality and oneness – and that this starting point of desire will keep me from assisting and supporting them as who they are
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give precedence to the desire to have a relationship and sex over my process and doing what is necessary to sort myself/this world out
When and as I see myself trying/attempting to form a relationship with another because I believe this is a positive thing that will make me feel good or I have justified it as being good for my life/my process – I stop, I breathe, I see how I have allowed the desire to have a partner/relationship/sex/special someone in my life to exist within me as an engrained pattern/norm – and I do not participate in this tendency to try and form a relationship where the opportunity presents itself simply because it has the appeal of bringing me an apparently positive experience
When and as I see myself wanting to form a relationship because ‘it looks good’ or ‘this is the right person’ as I have justified it as somehow helping me/benefitting me/making me stronger – Is top, I breathe, I see and realize how this is actually the desire for sex/a higher experience which is actually a weakness and makes me dependent – and thus I do not allow myself to participate in this desire as my thoughts, feelings and emotions
When and as I see myself approaching interactions with women from the starting point of ‘there could be more’/’this could turn into a relationship maybe’ – I stop, breathe, and I do not allow myself to participate in my interactions from this starting point and motive
When and as I see myself justifying having relationships as being good for my process/good for me/good for the other, no matter what the justification is – I stop, I breathe, and I do not allow myself to create a justification within myself as I must be self honest with myself that it is all based on the desire for sex/a special someone/an experience of something more – I do not allow myself to create such justifications no matter how good or noble they sound as doing what is best for all is about my own process of self honesty
I commit myself to create a world where all can live in love as equals to each other where no one is special and thus no special relationships exist where some are worth more than others – through my own example of embracing all life equally and not creating someone as more special than others in my mind
I commit myself to stop the desire for a relationship and to stop creating relationships as they are based in self dishonesty as the desire for a higher experience of myself as I have not embraced all life as myself here
I commit myself to create a life of ease where there are no special experiences and thus there is nothing I could resist as I have embraced all life as myself through the stopping of the belief that some people/experiences are better than others
I commit myself to embrace school, work, chores, responsibilities and interactions with others through letting go of the desire for/belief in a higher experience of myself
I commit myself to embrace all others as myself without any fears, ulterior motives or desires as the desire for a higher experience of myself through that which I believe I can attain through others as a form of not accepting/embracing myself as life
I commit myself to give up all relationships so that all life can be equal